The idea for this blog post came to me over a year and a half ago, but I never got around to writing it.  The reason for that is that a) I’m really busy and there always seemed to be other, more urgent things to write about, and b) It’s a really deep topic that is not easy to write about!

So the topic was put on the back burner until I saw a Tweep write the following:

Tough one.  Of course, I don’t really know the answer, but I’ll give it a shot.  Maryam said that she was discussing this point with an atheist friend.

It seems to me from casual observation, that atheism is on the increase here in Bahrain, which as a devout Muslim, I find rather alarming, not to mention sad.  I know several Bahrainis (born to Bahraini families and Muslim parents) who do not believe in God.  Also, as I understand it, some of them meet on a regular basis; I suppose to discuss the none-existence of the Almighty.  I don’t want to spend too much time here discussing atheism per se, as that is a whole blog post (or more) on it’s own.  Each to his own as they say.

But the argument atheists use a lot is this: “if there is a benevolent God why does he allow bad things to happen to good people / why does he allow children to be molested / allow poverty and inequality etc.”

Like I said, I don’t presume to know the answer, but part of the problem in answering this question, is that it requires belief in God to begin with.  You see, we have two lives, the earthly life – the one we live now – and the afterlife.  In Islam you get rewarded or punished according to your deeds in the earthly life.  Furthermore, you get compensated for every single suffering.  Nothing is for free, there is always compensation.  So whether a person pricks their finger on a thorn, or  a child gets molested, there will be compensation for it in the afterlife.

Of course saying something like this does not provide any consolation for the molested child, or for the adult who’s haunted by childhood molestation.  One could understand why they might be angry at God, or even refuse to believe in him altogether. But it does not change the fact that they will be compensated in the afterlife, and that their molesters will suffer greatly for their crimes.

Remember, the perfect life is the afterlife. Here – in the earthly life-  we are meant to be tested and challenged.  No one said it was meant to be easy.  How strong of a person would you be if you never suffered?  You are the total sum of your experiences.  Life is a series of waves of good and bad, of easy and hard, of suffering and happiness.  God in His love and compassion, tests and challenges you.

He also gave you the wits and brains to overcome challenges.  He did not make you a mindless robot.  He gave you your brain and your decision-making capacity, and He then challenged you, and the rest is up to you.  You can rise up to the challenge or you can feel sorry for yourself and blame God.  Or you can really escape and deny His existence altogether.

Everything happens for a reason – everything.  And maybe the children who were molested were meant to become stronger than the rest of us, so that they may help, save and protect other children from abuse.  God may have tested them severely, but it does not mean He does not love them.  It’s up to them to figure out why it happened, and to then become better and stronger as a result of this ordeal.

Anyone who suffers must always remind himself that it could always be worse.  All suffering is relative.  They must also (try) to be grateful for whatever it is that they have.  The focus should be on what you do have, and not what you are lacking, or suffering from.

I want to end this blog post with a message to anyone who was abused as a child.  Please don’t think for a moment that I’m trivialising what happened to you, I’m not.  But I do urge you to seek help, if you’ve not done so already.  Don’t make yourself suffer any longer.

You are not the first or the last to suffer through this, but your shame is unjustified.  It’s not your fault – and nor is it God’s.  It’s the fault of the sick person who did this to you.  Seek help and find others who suffered the same as you, so that you can help each other heal.

Then make it your mission to help the children of today.  There are many sickos out there who are looking for their next victim.  Ask yourself what are you doing to stop them?  Maybe you could provide coaching and/or seminars to school children to helsp spread awareness.  Maybe you were mean to be someone else’s saviour.  Who knows…

Thanks for taking the time to read this and talk to you soon.

FINES worth BD68,546 and prison sentences totalling 117 years were handed out yesterday at the end of a high-profile corruption trial.
Six tourism inspectors were among 17 people jailed for their part in a major hotel bribes scandal.
The inspectors were handed 10-year jail sentences each and fines totalling BD16,596 for pocketing backhanders.
Ten hotel investors were also fined a combined total of BD49,550 by the High Criminal Court, which jailed six of them for seven years and the remaining four for three years.
A Moroccan woman, who accused the inspectors of blackmailing her into handing over hundreds of dinars every week to keep her club open, was also jailed for three years and fined BD2,400.
She and three of the investors will be deported upon completion of their sentences.
The 17 defendants, two of whom are understood to have fled the country, were convicted in connection with tourism corruption between 2004 and 2008.
The six Tourism Directorate inspectors were convicted of accepting bribes in exchange for turning a blind eye to hotel violations, while the others were convicted of bribery.
The GDN reported in January that the defendants had been released on bail while their trial continued, with defence lawyers arguing that several had health problems and could not adapt to prison life.
All 17 were rounded up after one of the investors told a Bahraini tourism official that several inspectors were demanding bribes from hotels, threatening to close their outlets down if they didn’t pay up.

The Moroccan woman, who rented a 24-hour coffee shop and disco at a hotel, told investigators she was blackmailed into handing over BD1,500 to BD2,000 a month to one of the defendants.

If you recall, I wrote a two blog posts on the jail sentences handed out to child rapists (see Five Years Only For Raping a Child!, and Only 15 Years Jail For Incest Rapist!).  In the first article, two men who raped a 13 year old girl only got 3 and 5 year sentences.  In the second story, an uncle molested his two nieces and got only 15 years jail.

But in a bribery case, the corrupt officials get 10 years.  So being corrupt and receiving bribes is a worse crime than child rape?  For shame.

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To read some of my child safety tips click Self Defence –> child safety tab above.  You can also listen to a child safety audio interview and see a video at ZendoForKids.com.

Talk to you soon.

Here’s my last Krazy Kevin interview.  You’ll hear me share 6 ways to increase your child’s self-esteem.  You’ll also hear me explain the difference between self-esteem and confidence.  I think this audio post is quite pertinent, considering the topic of my last post.

I’ve been so busy and overwhelmed recently that I just don’t have the time to do these interviews with Kevin anymore.  I want to thank Kevin for suggesting them, and I’d like to thank all the listeners who’ve made time to listen to us chat every week.

Talk to you soon.

[Audio clip: view full post to listen]

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about the depressing incident in which two rapists only got 3 and 5 years for raping a teenager.  As I scanned the GDN yesterday, I noticed another story about a pedophile.  Here’s the article taken from our local English newspaper:

A BAHRAINI, who repeatedly raped his two nieces over a course of a year, was yesterday sentenced to 15 years in prison.  The 24-year-old, who was standing trial at the Higher Criminal Court, was accused of raping the six- and seven-year-olds.

The man, who lives with his brother, would play with the children in their room, according to court documents.  After the parents went to sleep he used to go to the children’s room and play with them and then rape them, it was stated.

The man had been committing the crime for a year until the parents found out and reported him to police.  “My eldest daughter came to me one day crying and told me that she was in pain,” said the children’s mother in initial statements.

“I took her to the doctor, who informed me that she was wounded and had been raped. I was shocked and I called my husband and told him and I went back home and sat down with my daughter.

“I asked her how this happened and she said that she and her sister were playing with their uncle, who always hurt them while playing with them.”  The father of the victims went to the police station and filed a case against his brother.

Say what you will about the GDN, at least they’re bringing these stories out.  Allow me to share my thoughts on this; first, of course I think 15 years is too little.  But hey, it’s better than just 3 or 5 years, as we saw in the previous story.  And why the big difference?  My guess is that because in the last story the victim was older (13 years), and maybe even perceived as promiscuous.  We obviously don’t know enough about the case, but there have been judges that laid blame on victims.  I wouldn’t be surprised if this was the case with the first victim, but I don’t really know that.

Another reason might be that this crime is incestuous, and therefore perceived as more serious.  Who knows? My opinion is that child rape/abuse crimes should get the harshest punishments possible, 15 years in my opinion is not enough.

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, and driving you crazy with this point, it bears repeating that most incidences of child abuse happen by some one the child knows.  And cases of family members abusing/raping children are not uncommon.  I suggest being weary of anyone – including family members – who want to spend a lot of time with your kids.  Listen, it happens in the best of families, and yes even in Arab, Islamic societies.

I think the word “rape” deserves further consideration.  Most child molesters (but not all) rarely rape their victims in the traditional sense.  Most will look for children who have low self-esteem, and are hungry for attention, and slowly over time (weeks, months or even years) seduce their victims.

If an adult can seduce another adult, then really a child has little chance against an adult.  Most molesters become the child’s “friend” or confidant before doing anything.  So the “rape” may have happened slowly over a prolonged period of time.  I just mention this for clarification, not justification.

I think the parents did the right thing in having the girl checked, and reporting the uncle.  Some parents refuse to press charges against a molesting family member.  They may not believe the child, or want to preserve the family’s reputation.  Ridiculous.

I think Bahrain needs a national strategy to combat child molestation.  As far as I am aware, there is a child protection law, and some sort of official centre (not Be Free, which receives no government financial support) and/or police force.  But from what I heard – and I don’t claim to have heard the full story – they are not really active, and have been put in place to make the country look good internationally.  One thing is for sure, they don’t seem to be active, as I don’t see them in the media and can’t even find them on Google.

The national strategy should include laws (that are implemented), a special police force (that is highly trained), a special court (again, with specialised training), counselling centres, a hotline, and lots and lots of educational seminars all over the country.  I think our biggest disadvantage is the lack of education and awareness in this field, which is also the child molester’s greatest weapon.  Parents, teachers, care takers and especially children know next to nothing about the dangers of child molestation.

Now don’t get me wrong, there are some amazing people and organisations that are doing the best they can to combat this scourge, and God bless them for that, but I’m talking about a comprehensive strategy on a national level.  I think there should even be a specific school curriculum that teaches child protection and anti-abuse techniques to children.

I look forward to the day when we stop reading these depressing news stories.  And if they do come up from time to time, I hope at least we’ll also read about harsh punishments.

Talk to you soon.

I just don’t get it!  How can they get away with this?  Two men rape a 13-year-old child, and they only get 3 and 5 years!  Here’s the GDN article that caught my eye this morning:

TWO paedophiles who abducted a 13-year-old girl, held her prisoner and raped her were jailed yesterday.  One of them was handed a five-year sentence, while the second was given a three-year jail term.

The Bahrainis, in their 20s, kept the Bahraini girl locked up in a room for several hours to fulfil their twisted child sex fantasies, the High Criminal Court heard.  One of them picked the girl from the street after she had gone out to play with friends.

He pounced as she was walking home, luring her into his car by offering to take her to his house to play computer games.  However, the defendant instead called his friend and invited him over to take turns raping the child, who they locked in a room from noon until evening.

I fear we are in the dark ages when it comes to laws protecting children from abuse.  I read similar punishments for theft.  How can someone who does this get such a pitiful sentence?  We need a serious review of the child protection laws in this country!

Personally, – and I admit I’m extreme in this view – nothing less than the death penalty will do.  This poor girl has probably been scarred for life.  It will take her years to get over this – if she does at all – and by that time the two criminals will be out again, making her relive her fears all over again.  What kind of world do we live in where such things are allowed to happen?

For parents reading this, don’t assume your children know not to go with strangers.  Most of the time, “strangers” are really nice people who can easily charm children.  Discuss this with your child and remind them NEVER to go into a car with anyone unless they take your permission.

The emphasis should be placed on the importance of taking permission before going with anyone, rather than on the stranger driving the car.  Remember, most child abuse happens from someone the child knows, not from strangers.

A case like this one (if indeed the child did not know the attackers, which is not 100% clear) is the exception rather than the rule.  Remember your child’s safety is your responsibility, not anyone else’s.

Talk to you soon.

Welcome to Krazy Kevin radio interview Number 21.  This week’s topic was summer safety tips.  You’ll find some valuable tips from this call on how to have a safe and enjoyable summer holiday.  The recording of the call got interrupted, so there’s a tiny bit missing from the call.  When Kevin called the guy back later, the caller asked him if he was selling a Jaguar.  What a time for a wrong number!

After listening to the interview after the call, I realized I gave two not-so-positive examples that happened in Egypt.  I guess this could be misunderstood, and I just want to make it clear that I don’t have any negative opinions of Egypt and that no offense was meant.  I believe that Egypt is “Um Al-Dunya” (the mother of the world), and a great place to visit.

After hearing the interview, I also recommend that you read this great article on travel safety by Kidpower.  Of course, if you’ve not done so already, you should read my self-defence book too!  Available at Zen-Do.  Here’s the interview:

[Audio clip: view full post to listen]

Parents can really improve their kids self-esteem through good communication

As I’m sure you know by now, I have a weekly radio interview with DJ Krazy Kevin.  Here’s the latest installment.  Last week we spoke about how kids can improve their communication with their kids.  This week’s topic was the opposite, how parents can communicate better with their kids.  Hope you like it.

By the way, if there is any particular topic you’d like me to talk about, please let me know and I’ll arrange it with Kevin.

Talk soon.

[Audio clip: view full post to listen]

Here’s the second radio interview with (literally) Krazy Kevin.  To hear the first one click here.  Hope you like it!

[Audio clip: view full post to listen]

This is a topic dear to my heart.  You’ll here me revealing some powerful anti-bullying concepts.  As this is a big topic, we’re doing it in two parts.  In the meantime, if you’ve not seen my anti-bullying video slide show, visit the Zen-Do for Kids website, there’s some great content there, and it’s all free.

I hope you like the interview:

[Audio clip: view full post to listen]

Protect Children Now founders. From left: Suhail Algosaibi, Dr. Kate Maquire, Dr. Mohammed Dr Al Roken, Dr. J'lean Liese, Dr. Soroor Qarooni, and Rana Al Sairafi

I’m extremely proud to announce the creation of a new international movement to encourage and support laws which protect the rights of children.  I’ll share the press release with you first and then comment some more:

A new international child safety movement was launched today [22nd November] in Bahrain ending the week which has marked Universal Children’s Day, the International Day for the Prevention of Child Abuse and the 20th Anniversary for the UN Convention of the Rights of the Child.

‘Protect Children Now’ is a movement to promote the safety of children from abuse through encouraging new and more comprehensive legislation. In the initial stages itwill focus on the Middle East.

This movement has emerged out of the work of Be Free which helps and supports children who have been abused and raises awareness of child protection issues through educational events and regional and international conferences.

The founders of the movement are: Dr Soroor Qarooni, President of the Bahrain Women’s Association; Mr Souhail Al Gosaibi, local entrepreneur and martial arts expert;  Rana Al Sairafi , the manager of Be Free; Dr Mohammed Al Roken, lawyer and associate professor U.A.E. University; Dr Najat Al Mala‘a, UN Special Rapporteur on the sale of children, child pornography and trafficking; Dr J’Lein Liese, President of the Foundation for Global Leadership and Dr Kate Maguire Consultant Psychotherapist in Trauma and Abuse and academic, Middlesex University, UK.

I cannot tell you how proud I am to be part of such an movement.  If you’ve been following me for some time, you know that I’m extremely passionate about the cause of child abuse.  I believe in most good causes from poverty eradication to environmental causes, but children’s anti-abuse causes have a very special meaning to me.

I believe that an abused adult, say an abused wife, has the choice to leave her husband.  She may not believe she has a choice, but the truth is she does, she could leave if she wanted to.  But a child has no choice.  It’s not like the poor child can pack up his bags and leave his home.

I think hell has a special place for child abusers and pedophiles.  A deep, dark, fiery place reserved just for them.  A really nasty place…

Okay okay, I digress.  I believe in this cause so strongly because poor children cannot protect themselves from adult abusers.  They need as much help as possible.  Also, as a father nothing scares me more than the thought of someone abusing my children.  I guess me helping this cause is my karmic way of preventing someone from ever harming my kids.

Protect Children Now was born out of the frustration the main two founders, Dr. Soroor Qarooni and Rana Al Sairafi, felt with current child protection laws.  They noticed the massive gap between the laws in the West and the ones here in the Middle East.  Which are either non-existent of very lack indeed.  And what few laws exist are poorly implemented.

So they thought of the idea of a new international movement that would work on promoting new and tougher laws.  This would be done by (friendly and peaceful) lobbying of government agencies and MP’s,  creating awareness campaigns etc.  The movement will focus on the Middle East region first, and spread from there, God willing.

Dr. Soroor first contacted me in October inviting me to be part of this.  I said yes right away.  I told her that I would always be part of anything that she was involved in and that helped further the cause of protecting children from abuse.  My fellow founders and I spent two days in the Be Free Centre outlining the basic structure of the movement, vision, mission, values etc.  I’ll share those with you once the website is up and running.

We spent quite a bit of time thinking of different names, and we ended up with Protect Children Now.  There’s till A LOT of work to be done, but the seed has been planted and God willing this movement will grow and make a real impact.

Observations From The West

It’s interesting to note that child protection laws can have a negative backlash.  Dr. Kate Maguire mentioned that in the UK laws have gone too far.  Parents are now afraid to discipline their children for fear of them being punished and/or their children being taken away from them.  According to her, there seems to be a discipline crisis in the UK at the moment.

She also mentioned that parents are even afraid to take photos of their children in school events for fear of accidentally capturing another child in the background, which is now illegal.  You cannot photograph other people’s children in any circumstances.

I’ve even heard (from another Brit) that children aren’t even allowed to play Simon Says in schools anymore, in case Simon says  to the children “take off your clothes”!  Can you believe it?

Dr. J’lean Liese mentioned that in Arizona they have passed a new law on how parents can spank their children!  They actually created guidelines for that, can you imagine!  In a way it’s good that we’re behind here in the Middle East.  That way we can learn from the mistakes made in the West.  I personally would still like to have the option of disciplining my kids (which I do as and when I see fit) without fear of the law.  But everything has it’s limits, and we still have a lot of work ahead of us.

PhD’s and Other Observations

I must say we had a lot of fun during the two days we spent together.  I’d like to think that we made life-long friendships.  Dr. J’lean and I are even contemplating joint venturing in her business (but that’s a topic for another blog post… maybe).

At the end of the first day we had dinner together, along with Rana’s husband Ammar, and Dr. Wajeeha Al-Baharna.  During dinner Dr. Kate asked me “Suhail, do you have a PhD, and if not, why not?”

This question took me by surprise.  Rana and I are the only members of the founders that don’t have PhD’s.  Rana is working on her doctorate right now and will soon be joining the PhD club.  I’ll be the only one with a mere masters degree.

“I’m the complete anti-academic” I replied to Kate.  “Why should I spend several years getting a degree I have no interest in?” I added.  I’m an entrepreneur and a PhD would be a massive distraction.

Well, being an academic she encouraged me to get one.  Apparently there’s a new programme in one of the universities that allows “practitioners”, i.e. (non-ivory tower cradled academics) to get a doctorate in one year.  This is done by taking the practical experience they have in lieu of the years of studying and research.  It’s not a PhD, I think it’s called a DProf (professional doctorate or something), but it’s exactly the equivalent of a PhD, and you still get to call yourself “Doctor”.

Hmmmm Dr. Suhail Ghazi Algosaibi, has a certain ring to it, doesn’t it? 

Kate really encourage me to look into it.  I told her I would think about it.  Right now I certainly don’t have the time for it, but who knows, maybe in the future….?  I would consider doing it just for the personal challenge.  But overall, I’m still not sure how much value that would add to my life.  I still pride my self in being an anti-academic, and putting down the education system from time to time 

Back To The Movement…

Notice the word “movement”.  Protect Children Now is not registered anywhere and is not an NGO (Non Government Organisation).  For now, it’s just a movement with big ambitions.  As we grow and develop, it’ll probably become an NGO or charity registered somewhere.  Stay tuned!

Thanks for taking the time to read this and talk to you soon.