It’s 2:06 am on Saturday and I’m flipping through the channels, having my sohoor.  I stumble upon the old classic Mutiny on The Bounty with Marlon Brando as the naval officer Fletcher Christian, who starts the mutiny against the tyrannical captain Bly.

As captain Bly resists the mutiny and threatens Fletcher Christian, he replies with one of the most creative insults I’ve ever heard.  He shouts “You remarkable pig!  You can thank whatever pig-god you worship that you haven’t turned me into a murderer!”  (Imagine this sentence in a very posh British accent)

Wow!  “remarkable pig!”  Is that creative or what!  You can use that if someone insults you, because there’s no way anyone can reply with a witty come back after “remarkable pig” (but I would drop the pig-god bit, it’s probably a bit much).

Here are some examples you can store in your memory-bank of wit:

“You remarkable pig!  How dare you steal my parking space!”

“You remarkable pig!  Who do you think you are to talk to me like that?”

“You remarkable pig!  If it weren’t for my compassion for fat, dumb animals I’d let you have it!”

And on and on .

CAUTION:  I hope you realise I’m being humorous.  Use these at you’re own risk!  Better re-read the section in my self-defence book that talks about not provoking and insulting the other person.  If your gonna use it, run after saying it!